Weekend Writing Warriors-Blindsided Snippet 11
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I’m continuing with my WIP Blindsided. This is a few days after the last snippet, in which Jace picked up his stowaway dog from Ana at her office. Over the next few days Ana keeps thinking about Jace, but she’s growing more and more tense because her car is acting up and she’s hearing voices while driving, but there’s no one there. At work her files are acting up, not saving properly, but without rhyme or reason. Let’s just say she’s getting a little tense even when she’s doing her best not to let it affect her. And then she works late one night. We are in her point of view.
“After another day that resembled a marathon more than a workday and ended way after regular people’s bedtime—the compressed deadlines Book Lovers had were best described as challenging—she walked outside to her car.
Night had fallen, but the lamps scattered across the parking lot made her feel safe enough.
Or they did until light after light went dark.
She pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed 9-1, ready to hit the final 1 at a moment’s notice.
A sound like footsteps echoed around her. She cursed her need to be healthy and to park at the far end of the lot to get some extra steps into her day. If she made it out of this she’ll join the gym and park right at the entrance.
Ana shoved her bags so they hung from her shoulder, held the phone in her left hand and moved her keys so one poked out between her fingers of her right hand like a dagger. Or rather like something that would hopefully hurt anyone stupid enough to attack her in sensitive places.
The steps behind her grew louder and heavier.”
What works, what doesn’t?
I’ll be around later in the day as I’m spending a lot of time at my new place and preparing things for it.
It was tight, but I still found some time to do research just for you guys;).
Happy Sunday and have a fabulous week!
Posted on October 4, 2015, in Weekend Writing Warrior, Writing and tagged brand new, cars, contemporary, different, enjoying, fun, mechanic, mystery, new wip, romantic suspense, sexy. Bookmark the permalink. 22 Comments.
tinachristopherauthor.com 
From a real life safety standpoint, dialing 911 isn’t going to help her. Help can’t possibly get there fast enough.
Good point…not sure what to do with it, but I’ll consider;). Thanks.
Run for your life, a knife in your hand.
🙂
Super tension. I think it’s realistic that she’s preparing, but not quite believing. Where’s Jace and his dog when we need them??
Thank you, Alexis.
Wow, talk about building tension, very well done. “Light after light went dark”, so very ominous. I like the precautions she is taking like the key sticking out. Dialing 911 might not be a fast enough solution but if she is bloody, bludgeoned and alive, having them arrive could help save her. Wow, whose footsteps are those?
Thank you, Chelle. Cara also mentioned the fact 911 wouldn’t been fast enough. Not sure how I’ll adjust, but I will;).
Yikes! You’ve set up the scene super well. I’m spooked.
Thanks, Eleri.
Oh no! Who’s after her?? The lights going out one at a time make for quite a tension-building moment of drama. It may be true that 911 wouldn’t get there fast enough, but it’s a completely realistic response, plus it adds to the reader’s anxiety for her since they’ll know help won’t arrive in time.
On a cell phone, it’s more likely that she’d enter 9-1-1 and poise her finger over the Call icon. Calls don’t go through automatically when you enter the last digit like with a landline. Great snippet! I’m anxious to find out what comes next.
Oh, great point, J Rose. Thank you!
You’ve set out some interesting problems for Ana. I can’t imagine what’s causing the issues that are plaguing her.
Thank you, Ed.
Well, this is scary. I guess now I’m forced to tune in next week. (though I would anyway) 🙂
Lol, thank you, Christina.
Augh!! I’m glad she’s prepared to fight. The one thing that pulled me from the scene was this sentence… If she made it out of this she’ll join the gym and park right at the entrance. Something about the tenses not quite matching. Made me read it a couple times. But crap, I’ve been in sketchy places at night before, and this sure did make my adrenaline perk up : )
Lol, thank you, Millie. I will have another look at that sentence.
Terrifying situation, especially with the lights going out one by one. (Shivery). I LOVED this excerpt because it was so frightening and the tension built and built. Excellent!
Thank you, Veronica.
I agree about the 9-1-1 comment–she’d need to hit the 1 and then the dial button, so she should already have that last digit punched in.
She needs some pepper spray, poor woman. Very scary!
Thank you, Caitlin.