Weekend Writing Warriors-New WIP Snippet 2
Welcome to the Weekend Writing Warriors, the perfect place to discover new authors and fall in love with their writing. Each Sunday we share 8 to 10 sentences from a current or finished manuscript. Click here for the rest of the amazing writers participating.
Thank you all so much for your kind words about my new and still slightly fragile WIP. The encouragement you have shared is wonderful:).
The new story so far has no title and no blurb. Last week a high-end SUV drove up to Jace’s garage (which still needs a name if you have suggestions;) and the driver did not appear to be in a happy mood as she climbed down.
“She strode toward him, frustration rolling off her in waves. But something else as well, something that made the hairs on the back of his neck rise and tension invade his body: fear.
“Good morning,” she said, attempting a smile.
“Morning,” he replied, intrigued that she tried not to let her feelings affect her manners. “Jace Deegan, owner.” That kind of restraint did not fit with what he’d expected from the driver of the SUV. “How can I help?” He reminded himself that it was his job to be nice to customers. Usually Savannah took care of these kinds of things, but she was off today.
More importantly, he needed to remember he was only here to help with her car-he’d hung up his damsel-in-distress-saving shoes when he came home from Afghanistan.”
What works, what doesn’t? Is the opening compelling enough for you to continue reading?
I somehow stumbled into writing about an ex-soldier who is now a mechanic. Visuals usually help, so here are a couple of inspirational pictures (in case you’re wondering, Jace would have no reason to roll around in grease and he’s wearing a shirt, so these are just thought starters;).
Have a wonderful Sunday and Happy Writing!
Posted on June 28, 2015, in Weekend Writing Warrior, Writing and tagged brand new, cars, contemporary, different, enjoying, fun, mechanic, mystery, new wip, romantic suspense, sexy. Bookmark the permalink. 33 Comments.
tinachristopherauthor.com 
The opening is definitely compelling to continue reading. You described him so well in only a few sentences. He definitely has a tragic backstory. Nice snippet!
Thanks, Frank.
Isn’t he usually “nice” to customers? I like the suggestion of fear.
Hm, he is nice, he’s just not what you would cal charming or what you’d be looking for when dealing with customers. I’ll make a note and see if I can make it clearer;). Thanks, Aurora.
Ah, so she isn’t a soccer mom with a ‘tude, after all! 🙂
Intriguing stuff, Tina!
Thanks, Sarah;).
I like how neither of them are falling to their baser natures, and that you’ve got them talking. And… the second picture…. *fans self*
Lol, thank you, Eden.
He might get more customers without a shirt. Great excerpt!
Lol, I like how you think…and I have a moment where this suggestion will now flow into the conversation;). Thanks, ED.
So good, the dialogue brief but the reader gets the awkward picture you’ve painted.
He can give me a tune-up anytime.
Thanks, Charmaine;).
Get those damsel-in-distress-helping shoes back out, I have a feeling! Really enjoyed the excerpt, can’t wait to read more.
Thanks, Veronica. He’ll have to make a tough choice if he wants to pull those shoes back out;).
Oh, what pretty pictures. Love the ‘damsel-in-distress saving shoes’ line:)
Thanks, Eleri!
I can think of several reasons to roll around in the grease:) I am hooked, and I’m pretty sure Jace will be too.
Lol, are those practical reasons, Alexis?;) Thank you!
A lot of people try to be polite, even when they’re hurting. I wonder how long she can keep up the facade, though–or how long he can resist the urge to help.
Both very interesting questions, Caitlin. Thanks for stopping by.
What struck me most was his sensation of fear. He doesn’t strike me as the fearful sort, so I wonder what’s going on with that.
He’s picking up fear from her. Obviously that didn’t come through, so back to the drawing board;). Thanks for stopping by, Ed.
I thought it interesting that he might fear her. Usually the other way around. Might that have something to do with Afghanistan? And the fact that she remains civil and he misjudges her–all very interesting anti-stereotypes. Definitely want to read more!
Hm, he’s picking up fear from her, but you’re the second reader to mention him being afraid. Obviously I didn’t make that clear, so I’ll make sure to fix this;). Thank you!
Yeah, I’m wondering what he’s fearful about. Perhaps a little more detail about her is needed. What is it about her that makes his hair stand on end? And why is he so reluctant to deal with customers? This is a WIP, so all of these questions may be answered before or after this snippet, so it’s hard to judge. I’m just telling you what I think as I read this.
Thanks, Cara. He’s picking up fear from her, but that has not come through, so I’m going back to fix it. And his dislike to dealing with customers will be explained;).
This is definitely a great beginning! You’ve dropped in just enough intriguing details to show this is no ordinary mechanic and what he’s about to deal with won’t be mundane either.
Thanks, Christina.
Oooh, I like your mechanic visual. I’d take my car there. 🙂
I think it works, Tina. I recently read that you should have 3 hooks on your first page. Suggested– the first sentence. The end of the first paragraph, and the end of the first page. Not sure how your first page will end, but I think you did a great job hooking the reader. I love that last line. 🙂 !
Lol, thanks, Teresa. If I had a car I’d take mine there as well;).
Oh, 3 hooks? Thanks for sharing. I’ll work on having those.
Ok, I am recovering from your visual assists… nice.
I like the distance between them and the tension, it is just so THERE and very compelling. His thought at the end says so much about him and makes me want, no, need to know more – “he’d hung up his damsel-in-distress-saving shoes when he came home from Afghanistan”
Lol, they’re great inspiration;).
Thank you so much!
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