Weekend Writing Warriors-Steampunk WIP Snippet 9

Welcome to the Weekend Writing Warriors, the perfect place to discover new authors and fall in love with their writing. Each Sunday we share 8 sentences from a current or finished manuscript. Click here for the rest of the amazing writers participating.

better-wewriwa

I’m continuing to share from my current work in progress FPWL. It’s a companion novel to Dirigibles Are Forever and hopefully the beginning of a trilogy. This snippet follows a few sentences after last week’s, which ended with Garrett asking Clara to step into his web. She is non-committal and walks away from him, thereby initiating the tour of the dirigible she needs to gather the necessary intel. We are still in Garrett’s point of view.

“Garrett smiled as he followed Miss Riesenbeck, filled with intrigue and curiosity. He’d expected a calm and uneventful flight to London-it appeared that was about to change.

He appreciated the sway of her hips as she walked before him, accentuated by the short jacket. She stopped and turned to him once they’d stepped through the double doors of the parlour. “Where to first?”

“That depends on what you want to see.”

“Everything.”

“I’m unsure if everything is quite appropriate.”

What works, what doesn’t?

As always, thanks a lot for all your comments:). Have a wonderful Sunday and Happy Writing!

TC_DirigiblesAreForever

rescuebyruin_msr

 

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About Tina Christopher

Erotic Romance writer

Posted on March 15, 2015, in Dirigibles Are Forever, Weekend Writing Warrior and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 25 Comments.

  1. Delightful and touched with humor. He’s such a gentleman.

  2. What a wonderful exchange! I say they throw “appropriate” out the window.

  3. Likeable characters, looking forward to reading on.

  4. I wonder where he draws the line on “appropriate” LOL? Enjoying their conversation, excellent excerpt!

  5. Neither of them can pass up the chance for innuendo—I love that! 🙂

  6. Yeah, calm and uneventful are right out the window- thank goodness. Very fun snippet as usual.

  7. I lover their banter! On the first sentence I would suggest. Filled with curiosity and intrigue, Garrett smiled as he followed Miss Riesenbeck. With curiosity and intrigue after her name it describes her instead of his feelings. Great snippet! I’m intrigued!

  8. Nice conversation their having. It’s positively brimming with potential for being taken the wrong (or would that be the right) way.

  9. This has an amusing, witty tone, refreshing and fun.

  10. maybe try “I’m not entirely sure this is quite appropriate” for the last sentence. “unsure if everything” feels kind of awkward for dialog. Happy writing 🙂

  11. Such loaded questions and answers, this makes a really enjoyable read with heightened anticipation for the reader as well. Great snippet.

  12. he sounds like quite the rascal and a fun hero to write about. In the below sentence it might work better if you switch accentuated by the short jacket.

    “He appreciated the sway of her hips as she walked before him, accentuated by the short jacket”
    suggest- He appreciated the sway of her hips accentuated by the short jacket as she walked before him.

  1. Pingback: Weekend Writing Warriors-Steampunk WIP Snippet 10 |

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