Weekend Writing Warriors-Steampunk WIP Snippet 8

Welcome to the Weekend Writing Warriors, the perfect place to discover new authors and fall in love with their writing. Each Sunday we share 8 sentences from a current or finished manuscript. Click here for the rest of the amazing writers participating.

better-wewriwa

I’m continuing to share from my current work in progress FPWL. It’s a companion novel to Dirigibles Are Forever and hopefully the beginning of a trilogy. This snippet follows directly after last week’s, which ended with Clara asking Garrett if he knew how to handle her. We’re in his point of view and the punctuation is just a little creative because I wanted to give you the full exchange.

“He smiled and knew it carried an edge, “Would you like me to prove it?”

She studied him, leaving him hanging on the edge of the abyss.

“Give me the tour and I will let you know.”

Challenge curled through him-he gave her a light bow, but continued to hold her gaze captive. “Please step into my cargo hold.”

Her smile lit up her face-her beauty was not conventional, but in that moment it took away his breath. “Said the spider to the fly.”

Garrett smiled, “Will you step into my web?”

She turned around and threw him a glance over her shoulder, “I haven’t made up my mind yet.”

What works, what doesn’t? I’m not sure about the last two lines.

Garrett’s comment about the cargo hold links back to Clara’s request for a tour that covers the areas passengers don’t usually get to see, including the cargo hold.

Have a wonderful Sunday and Happy Writing!

TC_DirigiblesAreForever

rescuebyruin_msr

 

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About Tina Christopher

Erotic Romance writer

Posted on March 8, 2015, in Dirigibles Are Forever, Weekend Writing Warrior and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 19 Comments.

  1. Oh, these two are wonderfully matched, Tina! This is going to be so much fun! 🙂

  2. I don’t know which I enjoyed more. The excellent characterization or the great back and forth conversation! Great job!

  3. Delicious dialogue. Consider omitting the first ‘Her’ smile. Just use a smile because you have 3 ‘her in the sentence.
    How about Garrett’s eyes lit up. “Do step into my web.” Just a suggestion since you asked. Funny couple. That works in every book. A producer told me that. Like a script and don’t forget the humor which you have plenty of.

  4. I do love a couple that can fall into witty banter right away. They’re clearly meant to be! I particularly like the last line- it’s flirtatious, but I get the feeling she’s about to walk away, unless he does something to stop her. Which he’d better!

  5. Very fun dialogue. To add to what Charmaine said, you could also get rid of the “him” in the second to last sentence- “She turned around and threw a glance over her shoulder.” Usually cutting anything unnecessary helps. I like that she leaves him (and us) dangling.

  6. These two are fun to watch spar!

    So when she turns she’s putting her back to him? And then she looks over her shoulder?

    If she already has her back to him, you could cut the “turned,” bit.

  7. Good for Clara, keep this guy a little off balance! Loved the conversation between the two of them – this is going to be a hot, full of fireworks story, I predict! Great snippet!

  8. Full of attitude, great dialogue, very sensual snippet!

  1. Pingback: Weekend Writing Warriors-Steampunk WIP Snippet 9 |

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