Weekend Writing Warriors-Steampunk WIP Snippet 8
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I’m continuing to share from my current work in progress FPWL. It’s a companion novel to Dirigibles Are Forever and hopefully the beginning of a trilogy. This snippet follows directly after last week’s, which ended with Clara asking Garrett if he knew how to handle her. We’re in his point of view and the punctuation is just a little creative because I wanted to give you the full exchange.
“He smiled and knew it carried an edge, “Would you like me to prove it?”
She studied him, leaving him hanging on the edge of the abyss.
“Give me the tour and I will let you know.”
Challenge curled through him-he gave her a light bow, but continued to hold her gaze captive. “Please step into my cargo hold.”
Her smile lit up her face-her beauty was not conventional, but in that moment it took away his breath. “Said the spider to the fly.”
Garrett smiled, “Will you step into my web?”
She turned around and threw him a glance over her shoulder, “I haven’t made up my mind yet.”
What works, what doesn’t? I’m not sure about the last two lines.
Garrett’s comment about the cargo hold links back to Clara’s request for a tour that covers the areas passengers don’t usually get to see, including the cargo hold.
Have a wonderful Sunday and Happy Writing!
Posted on March 8, 2015, in Dirigibles Are Forever, Weekend Writing Warrior and tagged dirigibles, erotic, fun, james bond, jane bond, romance, sexy, steampunk, steamy, swashbuckling, wip. Bookmark the permalink. 19 Comments.
tinachristopherauthor.com 
Oh, these two are wonderfully matched, Tina! This is going to be so much fun! 🙂
Thanks, Sarah.
I don’t know which I enjoyed more. The excellent characterization or the great back and forth conversation! Great job!
Thanks, Jess.
I love the last 2 lines: “Will you step into my web?”
She turned around and threw him a glance over her shoulder, “I haven’t made up my mind yet.”
…this flirting with danger is mesmerizing.
Thank you, Chelle;).
Delicious dialogue. Consider omitting the first ‘Her’ smile. Just use a smile because you have 3 ‘her in the sentence.
How about Garrett’s eyes lit up. “Do step into my web.” Just a suggestion since you asked. Funny couple. That works in every book. A producer told me that. Like a script and don’t forget the humor which you have plenty of.
Great suggestion, Charmaine, thank you. And they walked onto the page with that humour. Now I just need to make sure I keep it going;).
I do love a couple that can fall into witty banter right away. They’re clearly meant to be! I particularly like the last line- it’s flirtatious, but I get the feeling she’s about to walk away, unless he does something to stop her. Which he’d better!
Thank you, Christina. She is about to walk away, but he’s only a step behind her;).
Very fun dialogue. To add to what Charmaine said, you could also get rid of the “him” in the second to last sentence- “She turned around and threw a glance over her shoulder.” Usually cutting anything unnecessary helps. I like that she leaves him (and us) dangling.
Thank you, Alexis. So much better;).*hurries off to make the changes in the manuscript*
These two are fun to watch spar!
So when she turns she’s putting her back to him? And then she looks over her shoulder?
If she already has her back to him, you could cut the “turned,” bit.
Good point. Thanks, Caitlin.
Good for Clara, keep this guy a little off balance! Loved the conversation between the two of them – this is going to be a hot, full of fireworks story, I predict! Great snippet!
Thank you, Veronica.
Full of attitude, great dialogue, very sensual snippet!
Thank you, Gemma:).
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