Weekend Writing Warriors-Steampunk WIP Snippet 5
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I’m continuing to share from my current work in progress FPWL. It’s a companion novel to Dirigibles Are Forever and hopefully the beginning of a trilogy. This snippet comes a little after last week’s. Clara explored some of the dirigible, but could not access all the areas she needed to explore. After chatting with the other passengers she approaches Jens, the young stewart she made blush in the first snippet. My hero overhears part of the conversation and steps closer. We’re in his point of view.
“Garrett Dewhurst studied the vision before him. She was tall and willowy, her streamlined figure on display in a sleek dress and short jacket that framed her breasts like a present. For a second her grey eyes flashed and then took on a more neutral look.
The hairs on the back his neck rose and his instincts tingled.
Their eyes locked.
Fierce intelligence filled her expression.
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Stuff in what?” he repeated his question.”
What works, what doesn’t? His question is in response to something Clara said a couple of paragraphs before.
Have a wonderful Sunday and Happy Writing!
Posted on February 8, 2015, in Dirigibles Are Forever, Weekend Writing Warrior and tagged dirigibles, erotic, fun, james bond, jane bond, romance, sexy, steampunk, steamy, swashbuckling, wip. Bookmark the permalink. 21 Comments.
“Her streamlined figure on display in a sleek dress and short jacket that framed her breasts like a present.” Love that description. It made the scene for me.
I noticed quite a bit of emphasis on “looking” in this snippet: he studies the vision, her grey eyes flash, their eyes lock. And kind of related is her fierce expression.
Well done with a touch of heat combined with humor. Stuff it? Hmm.
Thank you, Charmaine. Clara said something to throw Jens (the stewart) off balance, and Garrett overheard.
Great description of her and great how he is subconsciously thinking of her as a “present.”
Quite a bit of heat in this very descriptive snippet. Nice!
I’m feeling a little tingly too. Love the electric connection and the fact that he doesn’t seem like a pushover. Sparks guaranteed to fly, I’d say.
Yes, they’ll have to be careful not to set the dirigible on fire with those sparks;).
Watch it, boyo—it doesn’t pay to objectify the dangerous lady! 😀
Oh no, is that how it comes across? I’ll have to fix it;).
No, don’t! I only meant that I was hoping he wouldn’t underestimate her based on the fit of her bodice. But it looks like he already noticed there’s more there!
Oh, okay. I’ll mull on it. Her character is changing a little bit with the new direction I’m going, so I’ll make a note to see if this still stands;). Thank you.
I think he’s on to her. She better watch out! But she might be able to flirt her way out of this, too–he’s interested for sure.
You might not need “the question” in “he repeated the question,” I think.
Excellent point. I’ll remove it. Lol, she’ll try, but he’s pretty savvy;).
I love hearing his thoughts of her appearance. Very nicely done descriptions
Quite the meeting! I enjoyed the excerpt, frowned a bit about the jacket framing her bosom like a present – I guess I want him to like her for her brain first LOL. Can’t wait for more!
Lol, he’s a guy, the first thing he sees is not her brain;). But I’m rethinking the snippet, so it may change a little bit.
It seems that others also liked the line about her bosom. I like a character that notices a great bosom.
Lol, thank you, Alice;).