Weekend Writing Warriors-Steampunk WIP Snippet 4

Welcome to the Weekend Writing Warriors, the perfect place to discover new authors and fall in love with their writing. Each Sunday we share 8 sentences from a current or finished manuscript. Click here for the rest of the amazing writers participating.

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I’m continuing to share from my current work in progress FPWL. It’s a companion novel to Dirigibles Are Forever and hopefully the beginning of a trilogy. This snippet comes a little after last week’s. Clara has explored some of the dirigible and joined the rest of the passengers in the lounge. Someone new just entered said lounge:

“Captain Nolan had arrived. He strode up to the first group of passengers sitting around a small table and introduced himself.

This was one of the most difficult parts of her role as an undercover agent for His Excellency, the Prime Minister. Part of her, a dark and ruthless part she had to keep under tight control, just wanted to kill the traitor. He was about to endanger hundreds if not thousands of innocent people.

But there was no guarantee that his death would be the end of it.

She followed him with her eyes as he worked his way around the room, being all captain-y and in charge.

And the smuggler and seller of bombs so small and sophisticated, yet so powerful they could not be allowed to change hands – hands that were probably unfriendly towards the Empire.”

What works, what doesn’t?

I was nearly ready to write “The End” and then I realized a couple of things which mean I’m now probably another 10-15k away from “The End”. Not quite sure how I feel about that…

Have a wonderful Sunday and Happy Writing!

TC_DirigiblesAreForever

rescuebyruin_msr

 

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About Tina Christopher

Erotic Romance writer

Posted on February 1, 2015, in Dirigibles Are Forever, Weekend Writing Warrior and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 22 Comments.

  1. Great description and intrigue. I love Clara’s dark side!

  2. I agree with Patricia. There’s a lot going on in this snippet. I did get a bit confused with the last paragraph. the look on bomber’s face, something more.

  3. It’s a very compelling snippet. I’m glad that I’m not the only one who almost done with a project only to find, nope, more words need to be added. Good luck

  4. The captain sounds very intriguing indeed. Hope she doesn’t off him before we find out more! (I also found the transition between the last two paragraphs a tad confusing.)

  5. I like the stakes you’ve set up. Good story.

  6. Love her dark impulse. He’s a bad man, and she wants to stop him.

    I agree on that last line needing some tweaking. It might help to simplify the end of it, perhaps. Instead of repeating the ‘hands,’ say something like ‘could not be allowed to pass into hands that were probably unfriendly…’

    Have fun finding your story’s proper end! 🙂

  7. I think you’ve done a great job of showing how much rests on her shoulders, and how great the risk of these powerful bombs is. Good 8 🙂

  8. I like her – she has a lot of depth as a character. Well done!

  9. Wow, some high stakes here! I trust Clara will be able to handle this guy. Don’t you love it when your story adds wrinkles for you?

  10. Sorry for commenting late, Tina—my power went out last night and I’m playing catch up this morning!

    Add me to the list of people who love this snippet as a whole, but aren’t entirely sure about the last line.

    I think the problem for me is that he isn’t actually actively smuggling at that moment—I mean, I suppose he is, really, but he isn’t actually showing it. Our Clara is one of the few in the know, because his day job is such a good cover, right? So I kind of tripped over a visual of him passing small bombs to people as he shook hands with them in front of her.

    This isn’t my story and I’m only seeing a small bit of it, so ignore me if this doesn’t seem right for what comes after, but maybe something like this: “He looked nothing like a smuggler and seller of small bombs . . .” or “She had to admit he looked nothing like . . .” might work?

    Sorry, I’m rambling—the coffee hasn’t kicked in yet. 🙂

  11. I can feel her holding back torn between her desire to just rid the world of his evil and yet knowing that may not be enough. You were very descriptive and allowed us a very good peek into her psyche.

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