Weekend Writing Warriors-Tangled Redemption Snippet 5

Welcome to the Weekend Writing Warriors. Each Sunday we share 8 sentences from a current or finished manuscript. Click here for the rest of the amazing writers participating. better-wewriwa

I am continuing to share parts of my WIP, Tangled Redemption, book 4 in the Celestial Surrender series. I don’t have a blurb yet, but I will try and give you some context. My heroine is Sydney. We meet her for the first time in Tangled Hunger, book 2 of the Celestial Surrender series. Circumstances I cannot go into without spoiling everything result in her being kidnapped by a Vampire who has the impossible task of balancing the survival of one with that of a galaxy.

Tangled Redemption is a Sci-Fi story and takes place in a universe inhabited by humans, Vampires and Naema, a race that has been likened to angels. There is a tenuous peace between the three races, but a faction of the Vampires, the Ferals, does not want to bow down to human law. You could say there is a smidgeon of tension between them and the rest of the galaxy, expressed through a kill-on-sight order against them.

This snippet is a little after last week’s. Sydney has defended herself successfully against the Feral attack. Despite the untenable situation she is drawn to Miguel Calatrave, the Vampire responsible for her kidnapping. She doesn’t know what to make of him. The scene is in Miguel’s point of view.

“Miguel scrutinized the Naema before him. After five years with the Ferals, four as Nasir Zwelenki’s second in command, nothing touched him any longer. But watching Sydney Radnall, a high-born Naema who should be worrying about her next society function and what to wear to it, defend herself against Feral Vampires with no hesitation had been impressive.

A part of himself he hadn’t seen or felt in years was glad she’d had the strength to kill. It would make everyone on the ship hesitate not just because he had given the order, but also because the news she’d killed would spread through the crew like wildfire.

And it had captured his attention.

He had done his best not to find her when Nasir’s orders came down, but when she’d made the stupid decision to travel to Dahir, a planet close to the central core of the system, without any protection one of her watchers had contacted Miguel and Nasir in the same communication.

His position was too important to risk going against Nasir. Miguel would do his best to keep the intriguing Honorable Radnall safe, but there were bigger things at stake.”

This is still very raw, so any and all comments are welcome.

Tangled Redemption is with my critique partner. This means I am jumping between delighted glee and utter terror that she hates every word…so basically the usual state for a writer;). While I’m waiting for her feedback I am outlining a three novella series that follows the events of my steampunk Christmas story Dirigibles Are Forever, coming from Loose Id in December. This is a long weekend in Canada and I have just discovered that there will be a Sharknado double bill on Monday. I know what I’ll be doing.

Have an amazing week and as always Happy Writing!

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About Tina Christopher

Erotic Romance writer

Posted on August 3, 2014, in blog, Tangled Redemption, Weekend Writing Warrior, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 22 Comments.

  1. Feels a bit info-dumpy…can some of this info be brought out by specific actions, or the way she looks. is she staring him down right now, more fiery than any highborn has a right to be? Can you later throw in how the crew reacts by showing some action on their part?

  2. I’m really enjoying this story, can’t wait for more. I do see Millie’s point re info dump but I think I got lost in his thoughts inagoodway myself. Everyone reads differently LOL!

  3. I’m glad to get Miguel’s perspective and the bigger picture. It did feel a little stilted, not exactly how thoughts naturally flow, but there were a couple of run on sentences which if tidied up might help with the flow and eliminate the info-dumpy feel. Love the story so far. And Dirigibles are Forever? Can’t wait!

  4. Love his interest in her and his attempts to deny it. As always, I’m highly intrigued by your story.

  5. Very cool to read Miguel’s POV. I’m with him–totally impressed with the way Sydney defended herself. And I’m thinking his admiration may turn to more. 🙂 Great job, Tina!

  6. I like that she seems to be a heroine of some strength and is willing and able to fight to defend herself.

  7. Ah, so he’s NOT evil, or is reluctantly so. I’m starting to like this guy. 🙂

  8. A lot of information in a short space, but flashes of visceral brilliance scattered among, Tina. I loved this: “…nothing touched him any longer.” I just love a tortured man. 🙂

  9. A whole lot of information here. What really stood out was his thought process and the last line aobut things being more important. Intriguing.

  10. So Sydney is Naema rather than Human?

  11. He’s interested, isn’t he?

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