Weekend Writing Warriors-Tangled Redemption Snippet 4
Welcome to the Weekend Writing Warriors. Each Sunday we share 8 sentences from a current or finished manuscript. Click here for the rest of the amazing writers participating. 
I am continuing to share the opening of my WIP, Tangled Redemption, book 4 in the Celestial Surrender series. It is not yet finished and has not been polished;). I don’t have a blurb yet either, but I will try and give you some context. My heroine is Sydney. We meet her for the first time in Tangled Hunger, book 2 of the Celestial Surrender series. Circumstances I cannot go into without spoiling everything result in her being kidnapped by a Vampire who has the impossible task of balancing the survival of one with that of a galaxy.
Tangled Redemption is a Sci-Fi story and takes place in a universe inhabited by humans, Vampires and Naema, a race that has been likened to angels. There is a tenuous peace between the three races, but a faction of the Vampires, the Ferals, does not want to bow down to human law. You could say there is a smidgeon of tension between them and the rest of the galaxy, expressed through a kill-on-sight order against them.
This snippet is a little after last week’s. Sydney had been attacked by three Ferals. She managed to take out one and Miguel Calatrave, her kidnapper, took out a second. When she tells him she will not allow anyone to drink her blood, he challenges her to ensure her reputation stops more attacks. There is still one more Feral she has to face…
“Her chest tightened and she looked back into Calatrave’s jet-black eyes; his expression was impassive, but something in his eyes gave her strength.
The first one had been self-defense.
The next one had to be an execution.
She had killed once before.
A traitor to their country and their planet.
A traitor to their species.
A traitor to her.
Her husband.”
This is still very raw, so any and all comments are welcome.
The first draft of Tangled Redemption is done (happy dance), but it’s a bit of a mess. I am working through and am hoping I will get it in good enough shape to send to my critique partner tonight. I will do my best to get to everyone before the marathon starts;).
Have an amazing week and as always Happy Writing!
Posted on July 27, 2014, in Tangled Redemption, Weekend Writing Warrior, Writing and tagged angels, celestial surrender, erotic, feedback, finding my way, galaxy, naema, sci-fi, series, sexy, steamy, tangled hunger, tangled indulgence, tangled shadows, universe, vampires, work in progress, writing. Bookmark the permalink. 23 Comments.
tinachristopherauthor.com 
Powerful eight. The last line confused me.
Thank you, Charmaine. I will tweak the last line:).
Sounds like she is working up her courage to face the fight. Good going. Like Charmaine, I couldn’t make out what you meant by the last line.
Thank you, that is exactly what she is trying to do. I will work on that last line;).
So she killed her husband when he proved a traitor? Or am I misunderstanding?
So this sounds like a test Calatrave is putting her through. I like that she’s questioning the rightness of killing even a feral. I read the last line as meaning the traitor had betrayed her husband but I can see how it’s open to interpretation. I like the rhythm you created, though. It’s powerful.
Killing in immediate self-defense is far different than making the decision to kill, even if that decision means your survival.
Or so I imagine. 🙂
Very tense snippet—her husband ? Whoa.
Attention-grabbing for sure! she has to be really tough to survive in this world you’ve created…excellent excerpt!
I like it! “Her husband.” That is just awesome! That one line laid the groundwork for crazy emotions and high tension. Nicely done!
Thank you, Teresa.
I like the repetition of the ‘traitor’ lines–and that last one, when we learn who she killed especially. But it might be too much combined with how similar the structure of the sentences above it are to each other.
Maybe combine the ‘first one’ and ‘next one’ sentences, so the short sentences that follow pop more?
Oh wow. Very compelling. This seems like a character who’ll have a lot to overcome.
Thank you, Beth.
I am reading this as the person she killed was her husband who had betrayed her and their people/planet. Is that correct?
That is correct, Cara. I will rework and hopefully with the context it will flow better;). Thank you.
I understood it to be that the person she’d killed before, not in self-defense, was her husband…he was a traitor. It was pretty clear to me.
Oh, that is good to know. Thank you, Millie.
Wow, I don’t want to tick her off! Great emotion.
Lol, she has…issues:). Thank you, Elaine.
I like the use of the short sentences here. Very effective. It adds to the intensity.
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Thank you!
Very mysterious with a lot of palpable tension. Good 8. I guess the last line might be explained when reading the complete context – perhaps one of the ferals assumed the guise of her husband?
Thank you, Chelle. I will rework the section and ensure it makes sense.